I was in a meeting the other day, not quite sure what the meeting was about and didn't really understand why my presence made any difference, other than to see how many people could show up and waste the hours away... didn't do squat for me. With all the babble that was said, only one thing stuck with me that made any sense. The topic on retirement, which really wasn't a topic for discussion but mentioned for its purpose I suppose.
Does anyone really understand what "Early Retirement" means? Obviously, my understanding was different than that of the person babbling... My understanding is specific rules must be met in order to qualify for "Early Retirement." One rule, must meet minimum time served. Simple enough. Next, must meet a certain age... again, simple. And that's about it in a nutshell. The key words are "Early Retirement"... not "Retirement." I'm saying those who qualify for "Retirement" don't qualify for "Early Retirement"... why would you think if you qualify for "Retirement" you ALSO qualify for "Early Retirement"... you qualify for one or the other, not both.
If a company needs to make cutbacks, they look at where cutbacks can be made... and for the most part, being honest with one-self, salary would be the largest area to make a cutback and save money. So, look first at who is ELIGIBLE to retire. ELIGIBLE means got the time served and meet the age requirement. That's it... you qualify to retire. Yet, some of these "eligible" employees look at the meaning differently, especially now that they fit the requirements for "retirement." "I'm not ready to retire, therefore if you want me to retire, I should fall into the category of 'Early Retirement'..." You know, the funny thing here is... I actually understand what they're thinking. But that's not what the rule implies. And the REAL funny thing here is... THEY KNOW IT!!! But damn those who think retiree-qualified folks SHOULD retire... ain't going to force them out... not without a "severance" package because it would be "Early Retirement"... "I'm not ready..."
So, here I sit, falling into the "true" meaning of "Early Retirment" and I need to make a decision. Do I want to take the offer? I would get my healthcare plan, a monthly check albeit less than the check I would get if I stayed for full retirement, and a severance check not to exceed a specific amount based on time served and age. The purpose of a severance check is to help with the offset of income of the retirement check due to its reduced amount. Make sense to me. Now... with that said, someone explain to me where the severance pay is offsetting anything for someone who is eligible to retire? The actual explanation is flat out greed. Nothing more, nothing less. Greed. And all those greedy pathetic people will stay around until the company GIVES them the severance pay. And when it's all over, no more talk about severance pay, and everything is back to normal, will these greedy ones then realize maybe they should retire? Hell no... they will stay around until the issue comes up again and bitch that they better give it to me this time. For God's Sake, retire will you?!?!?! Obviously, if people retired when they reach eligibility, the company wouldn't have these issues to deal with... and, as a retiree, you might actually get to enjoy what life REALLY has to offer. But no... you will stay around and force the company into another one of those issues with severance pay and offer "Early Retirement" for folks who really qualify under the rule. Don't get me wrong here... I actually appreciate your greedy pathetic attitude, because next year... I QUALIFY FOR EARLY RETIREMENT!!! SEE YA!!!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
General Memo #4 - Who's a Team Player?
Who's a Team Player? Nobody is a Team Player! Prove me wrong, go ahead... I dare you. We all talk a good line of bullshit but reality says otherwise. Admit it! If you disagree, then you have no problem lieing to yourself.
Here's a "for instance"... Take a department where you all do the same crap, enter information into some form of database. The Department Head speaks at the weekly meeting to "help your fellow team members" should you finish your projects early. We all know some data is easier to enter than other data, some stuff is just not as complex as other stuff. We get it. So, should you happen to finish before your teammate, go ahead and take the initiative and help a teammate out. And when a supervisor comes by and ask what projects you're working on, just tell them, "I've finished the tasks given me for the day and now I'm helping a teammate out." And when they say, "Who told you to help Little Johnny here," you can follow that up with "I took the initiative on my own to help my fellow teammate." And when the supervisor says, "You need to stop what you're doing and check with your supervisor to see if they have anymore stuff for you. Do not help someone out on your own without checking with your supervisor." You now give yourself a big WTF... because what the Department Head said last week now is being contradicted by (of all people...) a supervisor. Maybe they missed the meeting.
So, as the little worker-bee that you are, you ponder over to your supervisor and tell them the story of Team Spirit, wondering if they missed the boat as well. And, yepper, sounds like they didn't get on the same boat you did. You get the line, "Don't help Little Johnny, see if Little Suzy needs some help." But you KNOW Little Johnny is further behind than Little Suzy, so why you ask, do you need to help Little Suzy when you KNOW Little Johnny ain't going to finish his stuff before the end of the day. Now things are sounding a bit more fishy than they are with the good ole boy speech of "Help Your Fellow Teammate" ain't it... Damn straight. You might be a worker-bee but be damned if you think you're stupid. And you let that play out for the day and see that Little Johnny is getting wrote up for not being able to do his work in a timely fashion. Did you hear it? That was Team Spirit!
Here's another... one of my favorites. We got a scenario where the job is a one-person job. Be nice to provide them coverage for a break now and then or maybe a 30-minute lunch break. The person is in your department so should be able to cover these issues with all the manpower available, right? Who's going to complain? Trust me... almost everyone. "Well, I have to take my breaks and my lunch, who's going to do my work while I'm on break or at lunch..." or... "It's only 30 minutes and how much time is used for a break... just go." Do you wonder why they call it a "watch?" And my favorite... "That job is below my paygrade, you got to be kidding..." Yet (here's another good one...) there's a task within a department, obviously belonging to that department for responsibility, but because the "job is below my paygrade" we'll task it to others... and to really be a kicker let's get others outside the department to do it. Now there's a really big WTF!!!
Ok, you say you're a team player... those folks that do not know how to keep a fridge clean, you as a team player, take the time to clean it? (Don't say it, I know what you're going to say... and it doesn't sound like a team player to me...) We all live in the same house do we not? How about the lazy dip that washes their hands in the restroom, uses a paper towel, and even though they're standing next to the trash bag, fails to toss the paper towel into the recepticle because their aim sucks. But do they bother to bend over and pick it up? Some might... but that one you see on the floor when you come into the restroom, no one bothered. So, as a Team Player, you're a nice guy... you pick it up... IN MY FRIGGIN DREAMS YOU LIEING PIECE OF SHIT... and, if you did, my apologies... but you came in the restroom and there were three other people in there before you and they all left before you... and the paper towel is still on the floor... and you say to yourself, "self... those last three lazy shits didn't pick it up... why should I ?" And you call yourself a Team Player... right... guess again Vern.
So much for Team Players, eh?
Here's a "for instance"... Take a department where you all do the same crap, enter information into some form of database. The Department Head speaks at the weekly meeting to "help your fellow team members" should you finish your projects early. We all know some data is easier to enter than other data, some stuff is just not as complex as other stuff. We get it. So, should you happen to finish before your teammate, go ahead and take the initiative and help a teammate out. And when a supervisor comes by and ask what projects you're working on, just tell them, "I've finished the tasks given me for the day and now I'm helping a teammate out." And when they say, "Who told you to help Little Johnny here," you can follow that up with "I took the initiative on my own to help my fellow teammate." And when the supervisor says, "You need to stop what you're doing and check with your supervisor to see if they have anymore stuff for you. Do not help someone out on your own without checking with your supervisor." You now give yourself a big WTF... because what the Department Head said last week now is being contradicted by (of all people...) a supervisor. Maybe they missed the meeting.
So, as the little worker-bee that you are, you ponder over to your supervisor and tell them the story of Team Spirit, wondering if they missed the boat as well. And, yepper, sounds like they didn't get on the same boat you did. You get the line, "Don't help Little Johnny, see if Little Suzy needs some help." But you KNOW Little Johnny is further behind than Little Suzy, so why you ask, do you need to help Little Suzy when you KNOW Little Johnny ain't going to finish his stuff before the end of the day. Now things are sounding a bit more fishy than they are with the good ole boy speech of "Help Your Fellow Teammate" ain't it... Damn straight. You might be a worker-bee but be damned if you think you're stupid. And you let that play out for the day and see that Little Johnny is getting wrote up for not being able to do his work in a timely fashion. Did you hear it? That was Team Spirit!
Here's another... one of my favorites. We got a scenario where the job is a one-person job. Be nice to provide them coverage for a break now and then or maybe a 30-minute lunch break. The person is in your department so should be able to cover these issues with all the manpower available, right? Who's going to complain? Trust me... almost everyone. "Well, I have to take my breaks and my lunch, who's going to do my work while I'm on break or at lunch..." or... "It's only 30 minutes and how much time is used for a break... just go." Do you wonder why they call it a "watch?" And my favorite... "That job is below my paygrade, you got to be kidding..." Yet (here's another good one...) there's a task within a department, obviously belonging to that department for responsibility, but because the "job is below my paygrade" we'll task it to others... and to really be a kicker let's get others outside the department to do it. Now there's a really big WTF!!!
Ok, you say you're a team player... those folks that do not know how to keep a fridge clean, you as a team player, take the time to clean it? (Don't say it, I know what you're going to say... and it doesn't sound like a team player to me...) We all live in the same house do we not? How about the lazy dip that washes their hands in the restroom, uses a paper towel, and even though they're standing next to the trash bag, fails to toss the paper towel into the recepticle because their aim sucks. But do they bother to bend over and pick it up? Some might... but that one you see on the floor when you come into the restroom, no one bothered. So, as a Team Player, you're a nice guy... you pick it up... IN MY FRIGGIN DREAMS YOU LIEING PIECE OF SHIT... and, if you did, my apologies... but you came in the restroom and there were three other people in there before you and they all left before you... and the paper towel is still on the floor... and you say to yourself, "self... those last three lazy shits didn't pick it up... why should I ?" And you call yourself a Team Player... right... guess again Vern.
So much for Team Players, eh?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
General Memo #3 - The Eavesdropper
We are all guilty of eavesdropping for sure. How the person handles what they hear is the difference between each of us. So... here's a scenario. What you think?
"Man, I got a blond joke for you," Sweet Jane, the department Be-Otch, overhears the conversation right from the git-go. Does she walk away, oh hell no. She's going to keep her dead ass right there and listen... because the person telling the joke is a person she's not too fond of and sees an opportunity to hang 'em good. So Sweet Jane lets the joke play out in its entirety. Of course... why not... might be funny.
Well, some ass-wipe back in the 80s came up with this bullshit about Civil Rights / Equal Employment Opportunity / etc. And put some stipulation somewhere in the friggin fine print that you can't say anything in the workplace that may offend others, even if you're not telling them the stupid friggin joke. If they're hanging out at the drinking fountain and your workspace is within earshot and you tell a joke, or say something about someone else... basically if your friggin lips vibrate together to make words that sound like they may offend "Sweet Jane" you're at fault. How asinine is that!
So the be-otch, Sweet Jane, can't take a joke... she listens and probably wants to laugh out loud and make those little friggin piggy snorts, but manages to hold it all in so she can sneak off and rat the person out. She goes off to one of those employee protection clowns (EPC) and cries she's so offended she'll have to go home for the rest of the day. In the meantime, the EPC drafts up a report, breaks out a rope and ties a loosely fitting noose. They turn around and send the report to the boss who reads it knowing their hands are tied and, by law, must take the next step. Confront the poor ass joke teller and most likely give them a letter of reprimand, or a suspension, or a pink slip... something... because be-otch "Sweet Jane" got her feelings in a pantie knot. The big question here... Is this fair? Sure as shit ain't... but here's my solution to properly fix the situation.
First, I would suggest ole Sweet Jane walk her dead ass out of earshot and go away, preferably out to a high balcony and take a friggin dive to the pavement. But if jumping seems a bit overboard, just go away.
Second idea... might just ask the jokers if they could not tell the joke where everyone can hear because you find their humor a bit tasteless (we really know who has no taste...). Correct step - Offended whiner confronts tasteless jerks. Should jerks tell Sweet Jane to take a hike, then she might have a leg to stand on and take it to the next step. However, I believe just this simple step would stop a majority of the crap Sweet Jane doesn't want to hear (so we believe).
That's it... only two options. If it offends you and you don't want to look like the bad guy and tell the offensive jerks they're... well... offensive buttheads, then walk away and shut up. If it offends you and you don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks of you, then confront them and, if they continue, then go tell someone that gives a shit and hang their happy ass.
My personal opinion, you're a friggin wuss either way. If you can't do either of the above, go blab your story to the supervisor. Let them confront the jerks. Don't go running off crying to the hangman... that just tells everyone... you're a be-otch!
Now go back to work and do something constructive.
P.S. - The joke...
There's an attractive blond sitting at a bar. A handsome gentleman comes in, sees the attractive blond and takes up the empty stool next to her. The news happens to be on the television and he notices she is watching with serious intent. The gentleman gives the news a two-minute listen. Seems there's a man on top of a high rise building about to commit suicide by jumping to his death. He says to the attractive blond, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The attractive blond answers, "You're on..." As the news plays out, the man on top of the high rise building eventually jumps to his death. And the attractive blond pulls a $20 bill from her purse and sets it on the bar in front of the handsome gentleman. Being a gentleman, he admits to the attractive blond, "I cannot take your money because I saw the news report this morning, I'm sorry." The attractive blond responds, "I know, I saw the report this morning as well, but I thought he would have learned his lesson the first time." The handsome gentleman took the money and left the bar. :-)
"Man, I got a blond joke for you," Sweet Jane, the department Be-Otch, overhears the conversation right from the git-go. Does she walk away, oh hell no. She's going to keep her dead ass right there and listen... because the person telling the joke is a person she's not too fond of and sees an opportunity to hang 'em good. So Sweet Jane lets the joke play out in its entirety. Of course... why not... might be funny.
Well, some ass-wipe back in the 80s came up with this bullshit about Civil Rights / Equal Employment Opportunity / etc. And put some stipulation somewhere in the friggin fine print that you can't say anything in the workplace that may offend others, even if you're not telling them the stupid friggin joke. If they're hanging out at the drinking fountain and your workspace is within earshot and you tell a joke, or say something about someone else... basically if your friggin lips vibrate together to make words that sound like they may offend "Sweet Jane" you're at fault. How asinine is that!
So the be-otch, Sweet Jane, can't take a joke... she listens and probably wants to laugh out loud and make those little friggin piggy snorts, but manages to hold it all in so she can sneak off and rat the person out. She goes off to one of those employee protection clowns (EPC) and cries she's so offended she'll have to go home for the rest of the day. In the meantime, the EPC drafts up a report, breaks out a rope and ties a loosely fitting noose. They turn around and send the report to the boss who reads it knowing their hands are tied and, by law, must take the next step. Confront the poor ass joke teller and most likely give them a letter of reprimand, or a suspension, or a pink slip... something... because be-otch "Sweet Jane" got her feelings in a pantie knot. The big question here... Is this fair? Sure as shit ain't... but here's my solution to properly fix the situation.
First, I would suggest ole Sweet Jane walk her dead ass out of earshot and go away, preferably out to a high balcony and take a friggin dive to the pavement. But if jumping seems a bit overboard, just go away.
Second idea... might just ask the jokers if they could not tell the joke where everyone can hear because you find their humor a bit tasteless (we really know who has no taste...). Correct step - Offended whiner confronts tasteless jerks. Should jerks tell Sweet Jane to take a hike, then she might have a leg to stand on and take it to the next step. However, I believe just this simple step would stop a majority of the crap Sweet Jane doesn't want to hear (so we believe).
That's it... only two options. If it offends you and you don't want to look like the bad guy and tell the offensive jerks they're... well... offensive buttheads, then walk away and shut up. If it offends you and you don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks of you, then confront them and, if they continue, then go tell someone that gives a shit and hang their happy ass.
My personal opinion, you're a friggin wuss either way. If you can't do either of the above, go blab your story to the supervisor. Let them confront the jerks. Don't go running off crying to the hangman... that just tells everyone... you're a be-otch!
Now go back to work and do something constructive.
P.S. - The joke...
There's an attractive blond sitting at a bar. A handsome gentleman comes in, sees the attractive blond and takes up the empty stool next to her. The news happens to be on the television and he notices she is watching with serious intent. The gentleman gives the news a two-minute listen. Seems there's a man on top of a high rise building about to commit suicide by jumping to his death. He says to the attractive blond, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The attractive blond answers, "You're on..." As the news plays out, the man on top of the high rise building eventually jumps to his death. And the attractive blond pulls a $20 bill from her purse and sets it on the bar in front of the handsome gentleman. Being a gentleman, he admits to the attractive blond, "I cannot take your money because I saw the news report this morning, I'm sorry." The attractive blond responds, "I know, I saw the report this morning as well, but I thought he would have learned his lesson the first time." The handsome gentleman took the money and left the bar. :-)
Friday, August 26, 2011
General Memo #2 - Budget? Who Needs a Stink'n Budget?
I'm probably one of the cheapest bastards around. Spending money frugally, put simply, is stupid. It's bad enough when we do it to ourselves. Do we need a new car or do we want a new car. If we're honest with ourselves, most of us can answer that as "want." Really... who needs a damn Mercedes for Christ sake. Want? Oh hell ya! Need? ... Not only no, but !@#$ no...
How about the workplace. Do employees tend to be wasteful? Damn straight. Management wastes the most. Maybe because they're usually the last to approve, therefore, the buck stops with them. Spend or not spend... Need or want. A few know the difference, others don't have a friggin clue, and the majority will say, "Hey, not my money... spend it!"
Scenario 1: One supervisor has a dozen employees, another has two dozen, and another has an even ten. One employee says, "Boy, sure could use one of those metal extendable binder units. I could put all this reference material right in front of me." And they do a little research and present the idea to their supervisor. Supervisor says, "Great! Order one." And one is ordered. The employee sets it all up nice and pretty on their desk and the rest of the group says, "I want one." Supervisor says, "Buy another eleven." And the order goes in. Group two and three now see it and tell their supervisors. Before you know it, the entire department has one.
Scenario 2: Basically the same as scenario 1, except replace that metal extendable binder unit with (how about) another computer monitor. Seems an employee from another department saw these metal contraptions and came up with a better idea. Sells the thought to the supervisor and supervisor says, "Good idea! Buy one." Next thing you know, every employee now has two monitors.
Scenario 3: Go back to scenario 1. This department catches wind of what the department in scenario 2 did and the manager says to themself, "Self, all reference material is available on-line. Trash those metal extendable binder units and give everyone another monitor. Now they can have any reference material on one screen and work the issue on the other." The Golden Goose agrees with the two-monitor scenario, and bada-bing bada-boom... all the monkeys in the zoo now have two monitors. So, what happens to the extendable units and all the reference material the unit was holding? The supervisors come up with a great idea... pile them up in corner of some room and maybe no one will notice. Guess what... NO ONE NOTICED! Until the entire department moved out and another moved in to ask the question, "Why is all that stuff piled up in our room?" Duh.
Now, think about these scenarios for a minute. Were the metal extendable units to hold reference material really needed? No. Wanted? Yes. Did the supervisor think to ask what the cost involved for these units would be? No. Did they care? No, wasn't their money. Did the manager even know what was going on? Probably not. How about the Golden Goose? No clue. Did anyone stop to think all the reference material they could possibly need was available on-line? Obviously not. The "want" syndrome over-rode the "need" syndrome. And when someone did stop to think about it, a lightbulb came on this time and figured maybe we should give the idea to the Golden Goose and the flock, see if we can sell the idea to them. And of course they jump on it because the idea is a very good one. Yet no one mentioned what was currently in place... that being the metal extendable binder units and all the reference material they held.
So, there's the scenarios. Now, apply them to the following items: Cell phones, labelmakers, whiteboards, flipcharts, subscriptions to web sites, printers, air cards, encrypted flashdrives, laptops, sets of reference books, etc etc etc. Are these items needed? For the most part, maybe. Are the items wanted? Damn straight. It's not our money... so, do they get these items? Bet your sweet bippie they do.
And a few months before the end of the fiscal year arrives, we find no funds! "We're BROKE!!!
Sure hope the next fiscal year gets here soon.
How about the workplace. Do employees tend to be wasteful? Damn straight. Management wastes the most. Maybe because they're usually the last to approve, therefore, the buck stops with them. Spend or not spend... Need or want. A few know the difference, others don't have a friggin clue, and the majority will say, "Hey, not my money... spend it!"
Scenario 1: One supervisor has a dozen employees, another has two dozen, and another has an even ten. One employee says, "Boy, sure could use one of those metal extendable binder units. I could put all this reference material right in front of me." And they do a little research and present the idea to their supervisor. Supervisor says, "Great! Order one." And one is ordered. The employee sets it all up nice and pretty on their desk and the rest of the group says, "I want one." Supervisor says, "Buy another eleven." And the order goes in. Group two and three now see it and tell their supervisors. Before you know it, the entire department has one.
Scenario 2: Basically the same as scenario 1, except replace that metal extendable binder unit with (how about) another computer monitor. Seems an employee from another department saw these metal contraptions and came up with a better idea. Sells the thought to the supervisor and supervisor says, "Good idea! Buy one." Next thing you know, every employee now has two monitors.
Scenario 3: Go back to scenario 1. This department catches wind of what the department in scenario 2 did and the manager says to themself, "Self, all reference material is available on-line. Trash those metal extendable binder units and give everyone another monitor. Now they can have any reference material on one screen and work the issue on the other." The Golden Goose agrees with the two-monitor scenario, and bada-bing bada-boom... all the monkeys in the zoo now have two monitors. So, what happens to the extendable units and all the reference material the unit was holding? The supervisors come up with a great idea... pile them up in corner of some room and maybe no one will notice. Guess what... NO ONE NOTICED! Until the entire department moved out and another moved in to ask the question, "Why is all that stuff piled up in our room?" Duh.
Now, think about these scenarios for a minute. Were the metal extendable units to hold reference material really needed? No. Wanted? Yes. Did the supervisor think to ask what the cost involved for these units would be? No. Did they care? No, wasn't their money. Did the manager even know what was going on? Probably not. How about the Golden Goose? No clue. Did anyone stop to think all the reference material they could possibly need was available on-line? Obviously not. The "want" syndrome over-rode the "need" syndrome. And when someone did stop to think about it, a lightbulb came on this time and figured maybe we should give the idea to the Golden Goose and the flock, see if we can sell the idea to them. And of course they jump on it because the idea is a very good one. Yet no one mentioned what was currently in place... that being the metal extendable binder units and all the reference material they held.
So, there's the scenarios. Now, apply them to the following items: Cell phones, labelmakers, whiteboards, flipcharts, subscriptions to web sites, printers, air cards, encrypted flashdrives, laptops, sets of reference books, etc etc etc. Are these items needed? For the most part, maybe. Are the items wanted? Damn straight. It's not our money... so, do they get these items? Bet your sweet bippie they do.
And a few months before the end of the fiscal year arrives, we find no funds! "We're BROKE!!!
Sure hope the next fiscal year gets here soon.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
General Memo #1 - Fellow Employees
Ever wonder what supervisors see in the employees they hire? I had to ask the question... and the answer, obviously pulled out of their ass. There had to be someone else on the selection list with a better clue than this person.
"Oh, there were other candidates obviously better qualified," really... Well I got a big WTF for them. "The other two did not have veteran's preference," was the answer. So, we got a friggin truck driver who's owned a rig for ten years with four years military service, probably spent four years filing. One candidate has twelve years employed with a major healthcare center, knows all medical billing issues. The second candidate has fifteen years with a major medical facility, working their way up from records, laboratory, pharmacy, and the last five years in medical billing; currently working benefits and retirements for a large private corporation. And the winner is... The friggin truck driver of course! He's the best qualified... are you friggin kidding?
How about this one... create a new department... hire a veteran, some flunkie officer who got passed over for captain (Air Force of course...). Therefore, the military had to say, "here's your boot, good luck." Good luck indeed! They got the job as the new department head. Hell, the most responsibility they had was probably the Duty Watch Officer. The Supply Officer job certainly didn't provide any brain activity. Mix that qualification with a Napoleanic personality and tada, instant dickhead running a department with no clues. Help us Jesus....
I like the employee who walks around most of the day, cleans the lunch room, talks to employees. They notice the supply lockers are low, so go find the person in charge of supplies and let them know. Walk through another area and notice the temperature is hotter than the other department... so go find the person in charge of building temperature. Notice the recycle bins are full... so go find the person responsible for full bins. Do they ever do their own work... whatever it is. After a while you start to wonder, not only what their job is but what department do they belong. Probably in the department with the dickhead in charge with no clues.
How about that employee who begins work at 7am... Walks in the door 5 minutes 'til... with breakfast... sits down in the lunch room and spends the next 15 minutes eating. Remember, they DID come through the door 5 minutes before their start time. (Where's their sign...) Or, they don't take their 15 minute breaks, and decide to work through their 1 hour lunch... and leave 90 minutes before their normal time. We all know you can't do this... doesn't mean there aren't any employees that will try. Or... speaking of cutting time... will take every other Monday off, "I'm sick..." My ass! I don't like to get up on Monday morning either, but my sick leave is well over 500 hours (and pray I never need to use it...). Don't you wish you could look at a potential employee's Time and Attendance record. Can't do that... Privacy issue. If you're lucky, you might know someone at the candidate's current place of employment and make a call. Oh wait, can't do that either... right. Don't be stupid... make the call.
So the boss tells you, "Be the rock, be better than they are..." But what you really want to be is a bat. A big fat fucking bat and beat the "stupid" out of each one of 'em. Then you remember... the majority of employees aren't really that stupid, but the stupid certainly stand out, don't they?
"Oh, there were other candidates obviously better qualified," really... Well I got a big WTF for them. "The other two did not have veteran's preference," was the answer. So, we got a friggin truck driver who's owned a rig for ten years with four years military service, probably spent four years filing. One candidate has twelve years employed with a major healthcare center, knows all medical billing issues. The second candidate has fifteen years with a major medical facility, working their way up from records, laboratory, pharmacy, and the last five years in medical billing; currently working benefits and retirements for a large private corporation. And the winner is... The friggin truck driver of course! He's the best qualified... are you friggin kidding?
How about this one... create a new department... hire a veteran, some flunkie officer who got passed over for captain (Air Force of course...). Therefore, the military had to say, "here's your boot, good luck." Good luck indeed! They got the job as the new department head. Hell, the most responsibility they had was probably the Duty Watch Officer. The Supply Officer job certainly didn't provide any brain activity. Mix that qualification with a Napoleanic personality and tada, instant dickhead running a department with no clues. Help us Jesus....
I like the employee who walks around most of the day, cleans the lunch room, talks to employees. They notice the supply lockers are low, so go find the person in charge of supplies and let them know. Walk through another area and notice the temperature is hotter than the other department... so go find the person in charge of building temperature. Notice the recycle bins are full... so go find the person responsible for full bins. Do they ever do their own work... whatever it is. After a while you start to wonder, not only what their job is but what department do they belong. Probably in the department with the dickhead in charge with no clues.
How about that employee who begins work at 7am... Walks in the door 5 minutes 'til... with breakfast... sits down in the lunch room and spends the next 15 minutes eating. Remember, they DID come through the door 5 minutes before their start time. (Where's their sign...) Or, they don't take their 15 minute breaks, and decide to work through their 1 hour lunch... and leave 90 minutes before their normal time. We all know you can't do this... doesn't mean there aren't any employees that will try. Or... speaking of cutting time... will take every other Monday off, "I'm sick..." My ass! I don't like to get up on Monday morning either, but my sick leave is well over 500 hours (and pray I never need to use it...). Don't you wish you could look at a potential employee's Time and Attendance record. Can't do that... Privacy issue. If you're lucky, you might know someone at the candidate's current place of employment and make a call. Oh wait, can't do that either... right. Don't be stupid... make the call.
So the boss tells you, "Be the rock, be better than they are..." But what you really want to be is a bat. A big fat fucking bat and beat the "stupid" out of each one of 'em. Then you remember... the majority of employees aren't really that stupid, but the stupid certainly stand out, don't they?
Friday, August 12, 2011
Preface - General Memos
I started writing "General Memos" some 3-4 years ago... at work... for employee entertainment, jawing about general garbage taking place in the workplace. Employee numbers are well over 400 and I like to think the majority read this junk for a little information but mostly for enjoyment. However, as we all know, you cannot please everyone... they say they find the writing offensive when what they really mean is they are threatened. Threatened because they fit the offense. But they will try to hose it all up for the rest. I like to compare their actions to that of the Atheist. Take one Atheist and toss their ass in government service with a bunch of Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists... and, because the Atheist will take offense to the words "In God We Trust" or (God forbid) prayer... damn if everyone doesn't bend over backwards "not offend" the Atheist. Well, my friend, I had enough of this crap. Therefore, I write to speak for those who are afraid to speak up, yet think the same as myself.
My writings are not about religion, politics, or sex... these topics are off limits for discussion. Why? Because should we even breathe words on any of it, God forbid we'll offend either the person we're speaking with or even worse, the fool around the corner who eavesdrops on everyone. You don't even necessarily piss them off, but because you may have said something they can take to Employee Relations or the Union or wherever and file a grievance or harassment suit, next thing you know your ass is sitting in deep kimshi.
With all that mumbo-jumbo said, I have elected to now place my "General Memos" in a blog... Because a handful of those butthead "Atheists" whine and cry about the memos being rude. The last donkey-dick is threatening in a way to just piss you off, hoping I write something to use against me for obvious reasons... and that's what really burns my ass about this chauvinistic ass-wipe, the tactic. It's their way to try and get your ass fired. In the numerous years I've been there, three employees I know of have been sent packing, thanks to this donkey-dick. Their tactic, "Piss 'em off good enough and they will do something stupid..." and the next thing you know... you're out the door. And you wonder why these employees come back with a gun. At least shoot the deserved one.... not to say if you get pissed at someone and get your ass canned, you should take a gun and shoot the jerk (as much as one would like to)... don't bother. It's not worth the bullet. Everyone gets a final judgment, their life reviewed and their soul placed accordingly, and I wish them good luck.
So, on those notes, I figure I can write whatever shit I want on a blog. These memos speak in generality of the ignorance in the workforce... And, as I always say, if you don't want to read the bullshit, then push the "delete" button and go away.
My writings are not about religion, politics, or sex... these topics are off limits for discussion. Why? Because should we even breathe words on any of it, God forbid we'll offend either the person we're speaking with or even worse, the fool around the corner who eavesdrops on everyone. You don't even necessarily piss them off, but because you may have said something they can take to Employee Relations or the Union or wherever and file a grievance or harassment suit, next thing you know your ass is sitting in deep kimshi.
With all that mumbo-jumbo said, I have elected to now place my "General Memos" in a blog... Because a handful of those butthead "Atheists" whine and cry about the memos being rude. The last donkey-dick is threatening in a way to just piss you off, hoping I write something to use against me for obvious reasons... and that's what really burns my ass about this chauvinistic ass-wipe, the tactic. It's their way to try and get your ass fired. In the numerous years I've been there, three employees I know of have been sent packing, thanks to this donkey-dick. Their tactic, "Piss 'em off good enough and they will do something stupid..." and the next thing you know... you're out the door. And you wonder why these employees come back with a gun. At least shoot the deserved one.... not to say if you get pissed at someone and get your ass canned, you should take a gun and shoot the jerk (as much as one would like to)... don't bother. It's not worth the bullet. Everyone gets a final judgment, their life reviewed and their soul placed accordingly, and I wish them good luck.
So, on those notes, I figure I can write whatever shit I want on a blog. These memos speak in generality of the ignorance in the workforce... And, as I always say, if you don't want to read the bullshit, then push the "delete" button and go away.
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