Who's a Team Player? Nobody is a Team Player! Prove me wrong, go ahead... I dare you. We all talk a good line of bullshit but reality says otherwise. Admit it! If you disagree, then you have no problem lieing to yourself.
Here's a "for instance"... Take a department where you all do the same crap, enter information into some form of database. The Department Head speaks at the weekly meeting to "help your fellow team members" should you finish your projects early. We all know some data is easier to enter than other data, some stuff is just not as complex as other stuff. We get it. So, should you happen to finish before your teammate, go ahead and take the initiative and help a teammate out. And when a supervisor comes by and ask what projects you're working on, just tell them, "I've finished the tasks given me for the day and now I'm helping a teammate out." And when they say, "Who told you to help Little Johnny here," you can follow that up with "I took the initiative on my own to help my fellow teammate." And when the supervisor says, "You need to stop what you're doing and check with your supervisor to see if they have anymore stuff for you. Do not help someone out on your own without checking with your supervisor." You now give yourself a big WTF... because what the Department Head said last week now is being contradicted by (of all people...) a supervisor. Maybe they missed the meeting.
So, as the little worker-bee that you are, you ponder over to your supervisor and tell them the story of Team Spirit, wondering if they missed the boat as well. And, yepper, sounds like they didn't get on the same boat you did. You get the line, "Don't help Little Johnny, see if Little Suzy needs some help." But you KNOW Little Johnny is further behind than Little Suzy, so why you ask, do you need to help Little Suzy when you KNOW Little Johnny ain't going to finish his stuff before the end of the day. Now things are sounding a bit more fishy than they are with the good ole boy speech of "Help Your Fellow Teammate" ain't it... Damn straight. You might be a worker-bee but be damned if you think you're stupid. And you let that play out for the day and see that Little Johnny is getting wrote up for not being able to do his work in a timely fashion. Did you hear it? That was Team Spirit!
Here's another... one of my favorites. We got a scenario where the job is a one-person job. Be nice to provide them coverage for a break now and then or maybe a 30-minute lunch break. The person is in your department so should be able to cover these issues with all the manpower available, right? Who's going to complain? Trust me... almost everyone. "Well, I have to take my breaks and my lunch, who's going to do my work while I'm on break or at lunch..." or... "It's only 30 minutes and how much time is used for a break... just go." Do you wonder why they call it a "watch?" And my favorite... "That job is below my paygrade, you got to be kidding..." Yet (here's another good one...) there's a task within a department, obviously belonging to that department for responsibility, but because the "job is below my paygrade" we'll task it to others... and to really be a kicker let's get others outside the department to do it. Now there's a really big WTF!!!
Ok, you say you're a team player... those folks that do not know how to keep a fridge clean, you as a team player, take the time to clean it? (Don't say it, I know what you're going to say... and it doesn't sound like a team player to me...) We all live in the same house do we not? How about the lazy dip that washes their hands in the restroom, uses a paper towel, and even though they're standing next to the trash bag, fails to toss the paper towel into the recepticle because their aim sucks. But do they bother to bend over and pick it up? Some might... but that one you see on the floor when you come into the restroom, no one bothered. So, as a Team Player, you're a nice guy... you pick it up... IN MY FRIGGIN DREAMS YOU LIEING PIECE OF SHIT... and, if you did, my apologies... but you came in the restroom and there were three other people in there before you and they all left before you... and the paper towel is still on the floor... and you say to yourself, "self... those last three lazy shits didn't pick it up... why should I ?" And you call yourself a Team Player... right... guess again Vern.
So much for Team Players, eh?
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