General Memo #2 - Budget? Who Needs a Stink'n Budget?

I'm probably one of the cheapest bastards around. Spending money frugally, put simply, is stupid. It's bad enough when we do it to ourselves. Do we need a new car or do we want a new car. If we're honest with ourselves, most of us can answer that as "want." Really... who needs a damn Mercedes for Christ sake. Want? Oh hell ya! Need? ... Not only no, but !@#$ no...

How about the workplace. Do employees tend to be wasteful? Damn straight. Management wastes the most. Maybe because they're usually the last to approve, therefore, the buck stops with them. Spend or not spend... Need or want. A few know the difference, others don't have a friggin clue, and the majority will say, "Hey, not my money... spend it!"

Scenario 1: One supervisor has a dozen employees, another has two dozen, and another has an even ten. One employee says, "Boy, sure could use one of those metal extendable binder units. I could put all this reference material right in front of me." And they do a little research and present the idea to their supervisor. Supervisor says, "Great! Order one." And one is ordered. The employee sets it all up nice and pretty on their desk and the rest of the group says, "I want one." Supervisor says, "Buy another eleven." And the order goes in. Group two and three now see it and tell their supervisors. Before you know it, the entire department has one.

Scenario 2: Basically the same as scenario 1, except replace that metal extendable binder unit with (how about) another computer monitor. Seems an employee from another department saw these metal contraptions and came up with a better idea. Sells the thought to the supervisor and supervisor says, "Good idea! Buy one." Next thing you know, every employee now has two monitors.

Scenario 3: Go back to scenario 1. This department catches wind of what the department in scenario 2 did and the manager says to themself, "Self, all reference material is available on-line. Trash those metal extendable binder units and give everyone another monitor. Now they can have any reference material on one screen and work the issue on the other." The Golden Goose agrees with the two-monitor scenario, and bada-bing bada-boom... all the monkeys in the zoo now have two monitors. So, what happens to the extendable units and all the reference material the unit was holding? The supervisors come up with a great idea... pile them up in corner of some room and maybe no one will notice. Guess what... NO ONE NOTICED! Until the entire department moved out and another moved in to ask the question, "Why is all that stuff piled up in our room?" Duh.

Now, think about these scenarios for a minute. Were the metal extendable units to hold reference material really needed? No. Wanted? Yes. Did the supervisor think to ask what the cost involved for these units would be? No. Did they care? No, wasn't their money. Did the manager even know what was going on? Probably not. How about the Golden Goose? No clue. Did anyone stop to think all the reference material they could possibly need was available on-line? Obviously not. The "want" syndrome over-rode the "need" syndrome. And when someone did stop to think about it, a lightbulb came on this time and figured maybe we should give the idea to the Golden Goose and the flock, see if we can sell the idea to them. And of course they jump on it because the idea is a very good one. Yet no one mentioned what was currently in place... that being the metal extendable binder units and all the reference material they held.

So, there's the scenarios. Now, apply them to the following items: Cell phones, labelmakers, whiteboards, flipcharts, subscriptions to web sites, printers, air cards, encrypted flashdrives, laptops, sets of reference books, etc etc etc. Are these items needed? For the most part, maybe. Are the items wanted? Damn straight. It's not our money... so, do they get these items? Bet your sweet bippie they do.

And a few months before the end of the fiscal year arrives, we find no funds! "We're BROKE!!!

Sure hope the next fiscal year gets here soon.

General Memo #1 - Fellow Employees

Ever wonder what supervisors see in the employees they hire? I had to ask the question... and the answer, obviously pulled out of their ass. There had to be someone else on the selection list with a better clue than this person.

"Oh, there were other candidates obviously better qualified," really... Well I got a big WTF for them. "The other two did not have veteran's preference," was the answer. So, we got a friggin truck driver who's owned a rig for ten years with four years military service, probably spent four years filing. One candidate has twelve years employed with a major healthcare center, knows all medical billing issues. The second candidate has fifteen years with a major medical facility, working their way up from records, laboratory, pharmacy, and the last five years in medical billing; currently working benefits and retirements for a large private corporation. And the winner is... The friggin truck driver of course! He's the best qualified... are you friggin kidding?

How about this one... create a new department... hire a veteran, some flunkie officer who got passed over for captain (Air Force of course...). Therefore, the military had to say, "here's your boot, good luck." Good luck indeed! They got the job as the new department head. Hell, the most responsibility they had was probably the Duty Watch Officer. The Supply Officer job certainly didn't provide any brain activity. Mix that qualification with a Napoleanic personality and tada, instant dickhead running a department with no clues. Help us Jesus....

I like the employee who walks around most of the day, cleans the lunch room, talks to employees. They notice the supply lockers are low, so go find the person in charge of supplies and let them know. Walk through another area and notice the temperature is hotter than the other department... so go find the person in charge of building temperature. Notice the recycle bins are full... so go find the person responsible for full bins. Do they ever do their own work... whatever it is. After a while you start to wonder, not only what their job is but what department do they belong. Probably in the department with the dickhead in charge with no clues.

How about that employee who begins work at 7am... Walks in the door 5 minutes 'til... with breakfast... sits down in the lunch room and spends the next 15 minutes eating. Remember, they DID come through the door 5 minutes before their start time. (Where's their sign...) Or, they don't take their 15 minute breaks, and decide to work through their 1 hour lunch... and leave 90 minutes before their normal time. We all know you can't do this... doesn't mean there aren't any employees that will try. Or... speaking of cutting time... will take every other Monday off, "I'm sick..." My ass! I don't like to get up on Monday morning either, but my sick leave is well over 500 hours (and pray I never need to use it...). Don't you wish you could look at a potential employee's Time and Attendance record. Can't do that... Privacy issue. If you're lucky, you might know someone at the candidate's current place of employment and make a call. Oh wait, can't do that either... right. Don't be stupid... make the call.

So the boss tells you, "Be the rock, be better than they are..." But what you really want to be is a bat. A big fat fucking bat and beat the "stupid" out of each one of 'em. Then you remember... the majority of employees aren't really that stupid, but the stupid certainly stand out, don't they?

Preface - General Memos

I started writing "General Memos" some 3-4 years ago... at work... for employee entertainment, jawing about general garbage taking place in the workplace. Employee numbers are well over 400 and I like to think the majority read this junk for a little information but mostly for enjoyment. However, as we all know, you cannot please everyone... they say they find the writing offensive when what they really mean is they are threatened. Threatened because they fit the offense. But they will try to hose it all up for the rest. I like to compare their actions to that of the Atheist. Take one Atheist and toss their ass in government service with a bunch of Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists... and, because the Atheist will take offense to the words "In God We Trust" or (God forbid) prayer... damn if everyone doesn't bend over backwards "not offend" the Atheist. Well, my friend, I had enough of this crap. Therefore, I write to speak for those who are afraid to speak up, yet think the same as myself.

My writings are not about religion, politics, or sex... these topics are off limits for discussion. Why? Because should we even breathe words on any of it, God forbid we'll offend either the person we're speaking with or even worse, the fool around the corner who eavesdrops on everyone. You don't even necessarily piss them off, but because you may have said something they can take to Employee Relations or the Union or wherever and file a grievance or harassment suit, next thing you know your ass is sitting in deep kimshi.

With all that mumbo-jumbo said, I have elected to now place my "General Memos" in a blog... Because a handful of those butthead "Atheists" whine and cry about the memos being rude. The last donkey-dick is threatening in a way to just piss you off, hoping I write something to use against me for obvious reasons... and that's what really burns my ass about this chauvinistic ass-wipe, the tactic. It's their way to try and get your ass fired. In the numerous years I've been there, three employees I know of have been sent packing, thanks to this donkey-dick. Their tactic, "Piss 'em off good enough and they will do something stupid..." and the next thing you know... you're out the door. And you wonder why these employees come back with a gun. At least shoot the deserved one.... not to say if you get pissed at someone and get your ass canned, you should take a gun and shoot the jerk (as much as one would like to)... don't bother. It's not worth the bullet. Everyone gets a final judgment, their life reviewed and their soul placed accordingly, and I wish them good luck.

So, on those notes, I figure I can write whatever shit I want on a blog. These memos speak in generality of the ignorance in the workforce... And, as I always say, if you don't want to read the bullshit, then push the "delete" button and go away.