Well here I am now with four weeks left before my retirement date. Ever wonder what people think about at this point in their life? Let me tell you what what's rattling around in my head. What led me to decide this move at this time... first, I'm actually tired of working. I don't want to follow a schedule any more, ie get up, stroll into the potty room, hang out there for a while, take a shower, get dressed, eat the same boxed cereal every morning (although I did change from milk to almond milk lite - unsweetened), and show up at a desk from 6:30am - 3:30pm Monday thru Friday for how many years? Eighteen? And before that, twenty years in the Navy. A determining factor in both retirement decisions - if I get a monthly check for the rest of my life, it's time to take the money and run. Unless you absolutely love the job, why the fuck would you want to stay? The only reason I see for someone to stay... you hosed up and didn't plan your finances right... then it sucks to be you.
So, with that much said, I obviously did not pick a career field in the last 45 years to wit I would love to do until I fell over dead. How many of us actually do? Look at everyone you know and ask yourself, any of them love their job? What they do actually where they planned to go for a career? Maybe a few, but the majority... no. What would I have done differently for a career path? Music... Rock n Roll baby! Late 60s early 70s... if you could play an instrument, start a band and you would be on your way. All you had to do is put a bunch of songs together and an ability to play for a few hours... your group had a gig every weekend for sure, and if you all were any good, the good gigs fell in your lap and the money started to come in. Why didn't I follow that dream... good question. I was brainwashed to believe this wasn't work, not a career field I could make a living at... raise a family, buy a house in the suburbs, save money and retire at some point. And now I'm 62 years old wondering what could have been if I had followed that dream? Wondering... probably would have been a rock star, overdosed at 25 and forgotten by now. Good thing I joined the Navy, right? Well, will never know now...
What else bounces around in the head of the retiree at this point. Why retire at 62 rather than 66 or later. I'm not interested in travel, yet I would guess some might look forward to doing so at this stage. Me... not interested in jumping on a full plane and vacationing in a foreign land. There's enough in this country I can pack up the car and drive somewhere. I grew up in Portland Oregon and never seen Crater Lake; I've never seen the Grand Canyon or Yosemite Park or the Alamo... never been to San Francisco, New Orleans, or Key West. I've never been rock climbing or skydiving or snorkeling and probably won't put those on my bucket list now because I really don't want to at this age. I don't care to ever go saltwater fishing again, don't care to come face-to-face with a bear again, don't care if I ever climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty again (twice was certainly enough).
So what do I want to do now with the time I have left? Well let me think... I would like to spend a good deal of my time with my kids. Not so sure how that will work out when the three of them are scattered around the country. How do I plan to deal with that dilemma... I'm picking one in an area I think I will enjoy living in and will visit the other two when I can. Hell, I'm retired now... I can come and go at my leisure, depending on their schedules. I want to go fishing, make that freshwater fishing on a lake or stream where I'm not elbow to elbow with the next fisherman. I want to putz around with a garden although don't care much for yard work, I might like growing stuff to eat. I want to write a book, maybe two. If I become successful at writing, maybe write a few more. I want to play with photography and put some videos together. I want to cook dinner and spend the evenings sitting outside watching the stars, chatting with my wife. And when the time comes, I pray God will take me quickly and not let me suffer with some long term issue. And one last favor I ask the Lord at this point in my life... He looks over everyone I know and may He grant you all the life you pray for. That's it... Carry on.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Friday, May 16, 2014
General Memo #8 - The Copier Tech
Well, been a while since I've complained about anything. But this last week has put me in the mood. First, management personnel from around the country decide to have one of those pow-wow meetings again, a face-to-face meeting where they all fly into the area, sit around and BS for the most part and accomplish jack squat. Let's take in consideration for a moment, what other forms of communication devices are currently available so everyone can meet face-to-face rather than actually sitting in the same room with each other. Microsoft has come up with a very good service - LiveMeeting! Works great. Don't even need to leave your office/cubicle... can tune in on your computer and listen/participate, etc. There's conference lines to hold as many participants as you want... Here's two ways to communicate and guess what the cost is... NADA!!! ZIP!! ZILTCH!!! SQUAT!!! NOTHING!!! And what did the pow-wow cost? Let me think... first, there's cost of transportation - airline ticket ($400 - $1500), rental car ($30-50 per day), taxi ($20 minimum each time you get in one) if necessary... Living accommodations - Hotel room for each person ($84 per night at least), meals (low ball figure - $50 a day). So, just to guesstimate rounding off per person - $180 - $220 per day plus the airline ticket. Fly in Monday, leave Friday, average cost about $700+airline ticket. Multiply that by 15 people, those who actually traveled (I'm guessing... there probably were a few more) and this one week party cost over $10,000. As for what was accomplished? I would guess nothing was accomplished other than some face time with each other, chit chat on a few subjects, some brainstorming about what would be anyone's guess. They did manage to get some employee recognition in, which would be rather stupid via LiveMeeting. However, recognition moment was a fiasco only pissing off those being recognized. Why you ask? Well, management waited until the end of the day to do this. No big deal to them what time they finish each day, their hotel was only a few blocks away. But the "recognizee" has to drive home... now in the middle of rush hour. What would take maybe 20-30 minutes to drive home now turns into a minimum 60 minutes. Thank you very much.
But, all of this... ain't even what I really want to bitch about. I just finally wanted to get that off my chest because it's been going on now for what... 6-7 years? Twice a year? And once have they bothered to use any other form of available communication? Nope... So... there's that piece that's been urking me for almost a decade.
What I wanted to bitch about is an entirely different subject. I only write this crap to get my frustrations out. Obviously my frustration is to do with other people who prove to be ignorant as hell and in some cases, just fucking stupid. When I started these writings, most people saw the humor, and actually enjoyed reading them and, as scary as it may seem, looked forward to my next brow beating piece. Then the regime that allowed me to do so left the building, moved on to try and accomplish something else as the next regime moved in. The next regime was more Gestapo than even a Commie regime. I was told flatly not to write any more short stories about stupid employees or I would suffer the consequences. So, like a good little employee, I succumbed to the threats of management for fear of losing the job. Must feel great to have such power over other humans... Anyway, to continue on... The Gestapo club finally hit a bump in the road and one of them at the top fell off the turnip truck. So, not looking for any stupid employees to write about and see if my stories could rise again, one dummy managed to come to the surface. That person tries their hand as a "copy tech" only to make more of a mess than one could possibly fathom. If an attempt at something starts to go off-kilter, the best way to rectify the situation is to stop, re-evaluate the situation, and for the most part you should conclude that the entire project is out of your realm of skill level. To continue on would be futile. But there are a few who don't quite get it and will continue until the project is a full blown disaster. Take in point, a paper jam in a copy machine. Directions are located on the inside of the door to the machine... simple diagram for those who can't read directions. The machine even tells you where the jam is... so why does a person remove the toner cartridge that is two thirds full? Next thing you know when you do this stupid move, half the toner falls out... duh! Ever try to clean up spilled toner? It doesn't work. And, as this scenario just keeps escalating, the dear employee decides they can't fix it, clean it, or in general rectify the issue... what do they do? THEY WALK AWAY!!! Say what?!?!?! There's a note on the wall next to the copier... any issues with this here machine, call xxx-xxxx and someone will come fix. Didn't happen. Hence, my first story in over two years comes out to brow beat this individual... and I did so rather politely I thought. However, I find the next regime of management is Gestapo oriented as well....
So, to all my fans out there... keep watching the blog... I apologize for the length of time in between stories. I'll try to keep up better... just a matter of when the next stupid act takes place. It's good to be back!
But, all of this... ain't even what I really want to bitch about. I just finally wanted to get that off my chest because it's been going on now for what... 6-7 years? Twice a year? And once have they bothered to use any other form of available communication? Nope... So... there's that piece that's been urking me for almost a decade.
What I wanted to bitch about is an entirely different subject. I only write this crap to get my frustrations out. Obviously my frustration is to do with other people who prove to be ignorant as hell and in some cases, just fucking stupid. When I started these writings, most people saw the humor, and actually enjoyed reading them and, as scary as it may seem, looked forward to my next brow beating piece. Then the regime that allowed me to do so left the building, moved on to try and accomplish something else as the next regime moved in. The next regime was more Gestapo than even a Commie regime. I was told flatly not to write any more short stories about stupid employees or I would suffer the consequences. So, like a good little employee, I succumbed to the threats of management for fear of losing the job. Must feel great to have such power over other humans... Anyway, to continue on... The Gestapo club finally hit a bump in the road and one of them at the top fell off the turnip truck. So, not looking for any stupid employees to write about and see if my stories could rise again, one dummy managed to come to the surface. That person tries their hand as a "copy tech" only to make more of a mess than one could possibly fathom. If an attempt at something starts to go off-kilter, the best way to rectify the situation is to stop, re-evaluate the situation, and for the most part you should conclude that the entire project is out of your realm of skill level. To continue on would be futile. But there are a few who don't quite get it and will continue until the project is a full blown disaster. Take in point, a paper jam in a copy machine. Directions are located on the inside of the door to the machine... simple diagram for those who can't read directions. The machine even tells you where the jam is... so why does a person remove the toner cartridge that is two thirds full? Next thing you know when you do this stupid move, half the toner falls out... duh! Ever try to clean up spilled toner? It doesn't work. And, as this scenario just keeps escalating, the dear employee decides they can't fix it, clean it, or in general rectify the issue... what do they do? THEY WALK AWAY!!! Say what?!?!?! There's a note on the wall next to the copier... any issues with this here machine, call xxx-xxxx and someone will come fix. Didn't happen. Hence, my first story in over two years comes out to brow beat this individual... and I did so rather politely I thought. However, I find the next regime of management is Gestapo oriented as well....
So, to all my fans out there... keep watching the blog... I apologize for the length of time in between stories. I'll try to keep up better... just a matter of when the next stupid act takes place. It's good to be back!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
General Memo #7 - When Does The Boss Get Respect
When does the boss get respect? Simple question deserves a simple answer - when they friggin earn it. But here's where the complexity comes into play...
My opinion, the boss already has the respect from day one. When they first open their mouth determines which direction their respect goes. More precisely, the respect can go in all directions, meaning each employee will have their own perspective of the boss. Some employees can't think for themselves and team up with others to form opinions. Others manage to discuss constructively their opinions amongst themselves and will understand perspectives of others, which may influence their opinion. However, the respect a boss will gain or lose is scrutinized daily.
Recently, my respect has taken a sharp downturn; like the stock market when banks screw up; like a submarine uncontrollably taking on water; like a toilet that just got flushed. I'm one who believes everyone has a chance to prove themselves in their position. Obviously, they will learn as they go even if they have worked in such a position before, there's always room to learn. Each position has its own craziness to overcome. They lose my respect when they become control freaks. Despite what your action, favorable or unfavorable, a boss who says they give you free reins because they trust you to know your job, yet jerk on the reins when you do something without first discussing with them for their approval, is nothing but a controlling asshole.
Without dragging my jibber-jabber out for the next 20 pages, I revert back to why this blog started in the first place. I'm friggin fed up with co-workers who are... well... stupid for lack of a better word. And the bad part is, most employees know who the stupid ones are... hell, even the stupid ones know. I can't say those in "the know" are afraid to say anything, I believe it's more of knowing how to say something politically correct without offending anyone for fear of reprocussions. And I can understand how they feel. But for God's sake, someone needs to step up and say something or the stupid shit will just keep coming. Example, refrigerators in the common lunch room will be overflowing with the dummies who can't see the issue of bringing a week's set of lunches and sticking them in the freezer. I understand their thought pattern here, but what they don't seem to grasp is multiply that stupid move by 80, divide by 3 for those 80 that don't do this, then at least one frozen meal per person of those who won't eat all five meals that they bring in because they decided to go to lunch with a friend rather than eat another frozen Lean Quizeen spaghetti special, and will leave it in the freezer at the end of the week. Yet that person will forget and bring another five meals the following week. Do the math again, and you can see where the number will go at the end of the month. Number's large enough that the friggin freezer door will not close. Someone needs to point this fact out to all the stupidees out there. And the way to do that is a "General Memo" to the entire clan in a humorous way to most, even the guilty will laugh at themselves and realize their stupidity.
When I started these "General Memos"... six years ago... no one had any issues with them, they understood them, and the majority understood the finger was pointed at all of them, could laugh along with them... until the employee population exploded like the Baby-Boomer years. And what happens then? A handful will start to cry. Why do they cry you ask? Because they realize THEY ARE THE STUPIDEE!!! But yet have no humor to roll with the punch and take the accusation as it's meant to be... constructive criticism. These "General Memos" were up there with an approval rate above 90%, even had the approval of the Front Office. The FRONT OFFICE for God's sake... they even saw the humor. I was even given the "thumbs up" from the Front Office and, like reading the Sunday Comics once a week, they looked each week for the subject line "General Memo" to pop up in their email.
Then comes along a boss that tells me it's time to stop because numerous employees are complaining to their supervisors who tell their supervisors who bring the complaints to the morning Supervisors In Charge meeting and believe I'm out of control and need to stop. That's what I'm told... so, I stop because of my respect for the new boss. Well, stupidity reached a new high recently and I couldn't help myself. Some employee managed to spill a drink (looked like coffee to me...). The spill wasn't just straight down to the floor, they managed to get it all over the wall. Did they clean up their own mess? NO!!! They walked away and left THEIR mess for someone else to clean up. Seems to me that attitude would piss off anyone. (For those of you who are asking why would that piss someone off... WTF!!! You're a friggin moron too!) So, in my own polite way (I was actually being nice...) a General Memo was born and sent out... Two, maybe three sentences was all. Within two minutes my boss told me to retract that email now! In fact, even sent another employee to my space to make sure it happened... (Guess the boss knew what I was thinking...) Right there, in that one action, you know what I learned? The majority of the employees weren't complaining of my "General Memos", it was my boss who didn't like the memos. And the only reason the boss doesn't like those memos is because the boss can't control them. Plain and simple... A boss who feels they need control will squash everything with constructive meaning if, whatever the subject, wasn't in their control. And that... is the simple fact.
Have any idea where my respect level is now for the boss? Let's just say, I'm looking at the Jobs Available list on a more regular basis. Retirement date can't seem to get here fast enough.
My opinion, the boss already has the respect from day one. When they first open their mouth determines which direction their respect goes. More precisely, the respect can go in all directions, meaning each employee will have their own perspective of the boss. Some employees can't think for themselves and team up with others to form opinions. Others manage to discuss constructively their opinions amongst themselves and will understand perspectives of others, which may influence their opinion. However, the respect a boss will gain or lose is scrutinized daily.
Recently, my respect has taken a sharp downturn; like the stock market when banks screw up; like a submarine uncontrollably taking on water; like a toilet that just got flushed. I'm one who believes everyone has a chance to prove themselves in their position. Obviously, they will learn as they go even if they have worked in such a position before, there's always room to learn. Each position has its own craziness to overcome. They lose my respect when they become control freaks. Despite what your action, favorable or unfavorable, a boss who says they give you free reins because they trust you to know your job, yet jerk on the reins when you do something without first discussing with them for their approval, is nothing but a controlling asshole.
Without dragging my jibber-jabber out for the next 20 pages, I revert back to why this blog started in the first place. I'm friggin fed up with co-workers who are... well... stupid for lack of a better word. And the bad part is, most employees know who the stupid ones are... hell, even the stupid ones know. I can't say those in "the know" are afraid to say anything, I believe it's more of knowing how to say something politically correct without offending anyone for fear of reprocussions. And I can understand how they feel. But for God's sake, someone needs to step up and say something or the stupid shit will just keep coming. Example, refrigerators in the common lunch room will be overflowing with the dummies who can't see the issue of bringing a week's set of lunches and sticking them in the freezer. I understand their thought pattern here, but what they don't seem to grasp is multiply that stupid move by 80, divide by 3 for those 80 that don't do this, then at least one frozen meal per person of those who won't eat all five meals that they bring in because they decided to go to lunch with a friend rather than eat another frozen Lean Quizeen spaghetti special, and will leave it in the freezer at the end of the week. Yet that person will forget and bring another five meals the following week. Do the math again, and you can see where the number will go at the end of the month. Number's large enough that the friggin freezer door will not close. Someone needs to point this fact out to all the stupidees out there. And the way to do that is a "General Memo" to the entire clan in a humorous way to most, even the guilty will laugh at themselves and realize their stupidity.
When I started these "General Memos"... six years ago... no one had any issues with them, they understood them, and the majority understood the finger was pointed at all of them, could laugh along with them... until the employee population exploded like the Baby-Boomer years. And what happens then? A handful will start to cry. Why do they cry you ask? Because they realize THEY ARE THE STUPIDEE!!! But yet have no humor to roll with the punch and take the accusation as it's meant to be... constructive criticism. These "General Memos" were up there with an approval rate above 90%, even had the approval of the Front Office. The FRONT OFFICE for God's sake... they even saw the humor. I was even given the "thumbs up" from the Front Office and, like reading the Sunday Comics once a week, they looked each week for the subject line "General Memo" to pop up in their email.
Then comes along a boss that tells me it's time to stop because numerous employees are complaining to their supervisors who tell their supervisors who bring the complaints to the morning Supervisors In Charge meeting and believe I'm out of control and need to stop. That's what I'm told... so, I stop because of my respect for the new boss. Well, stupidity reached a new high recently and I couldn't help myself. Some employee managed to spill a drink (looked like coffee to me...). The spill wasn't just straight down to the floor, they managed to get it all over the wall. Did they clean up their own mess? NO!!! They walked away and left THEIR mess for someone else to clean up. Seems to me that attitude would piss off anyone. (For those of you who are asking why would that piss someone off... WTF!!! You're a friggin moron too!) So, in my own polite way (I was actually being nice...) a General Memo was born and sent out... Two, maybe three sentences was all. Within two minutes my boss told me to retract that email now! In fact, even sent another employee to my space to make sure it happened... (Guess the boss knew what I was thinking...) Right there, in that one action, you know what I learned? The majority of the employees weren't complaining of my "General Memos", it was my boss who didn't like the memos. And the only reason the boss doesn't like those memos is because the boss can't control them. Plain and simple... A boss who feels they need control will squash everything with constructive meaning if, whatever the subject, wasn't in their control. And that... is the simple fact.
Have any idea where my respect level is now for the boss? Let's just say, I'm looking at the Jobs Available list on a more regular basis. Retirement date can't seem to get here fast enough.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
General Memo #6 - There is a God!
What could possibly be the best news to hear at work? "Congratulations! You're getting a raise!" Yes, that is good news. But that's not it. "Congratulations! That job you applied for? Well, you were selected for the position!" Yes, that is good news. But, that's not it either. "The biggest butthead in the company got a new job, and it's with another company!" Yes! That's it! If the first two don't reflect on you, then the third message outranks the first two by leaps and bounds. I don't know about you all, but I follow that news with a "Hallelujah Brother! There is a God! Thank you Jesus!" Followed by a promise to attend church every Sunday... ok, maybe more often than usual. What could possibly beat that great news. I know! A going away party... two parties in fact. The first one for the loser leaving and all those people who lie to themselves and offer congratulations. And the second party... the weekend after they're gone! You'll see me at the second party.
What happens next takes up the time between the announcement and when they finally walk out the door. Raffles! First, who's next in line to take the vacant position. There's always one butthead to follow the outgoing butthead. And that butthead meets the same butthead qualities or will exceed them beyond your worse expectations. Or will it be the person everyone would love to see in the position. They go out of their way to please everyone, is a great team player, seems to be the workaholic who manages to be on top of every job. Of these choices, here's what will happen. The butthead leaves, but before they leave, they recommend the brown-noser who's been there acting in the position when butthead was gone on vacation or travel or whatever reason they weren't there. The one everyone is praying will get the position, ain't going to get the job. They're too nice to follow a butthead. So the brown-nosing butthead gets the job, and everyone now not only hates the brown-noser, but now hates their own job. At some point, management gets a clue and strongly suggests the brown-nosing butthead either find another job or management finds another job for them. And who follows the brown-nosing butthead? Hopefully, the great team player, the workaholic... but chances are 60-40 management will now choose someone outside the company suggesting the department needs new blood. And so much for that raffle... next raffle.
The butthead leaves, the new job is located in the same town, and we all wonder how many jobs can they create in their new position down the road, which all the brown-nosers who worked under them will now follow. If we're really lucky, enough positions to take all of them. But if they can at least create one, they will create a new position for the brown-nosing butthead and we can all sleep a whole lot better. Give me an Amen Brother!
What happens next takes up the time between the announcement and when they finally walk out the door. Raffles! First, who's next in line to take the vacant position. There's always one butthead to follow the outgoing butthead. And that butthead meets the same butthead qualities or will exceed them beyond your worse expectations. Or will it be the person everyone would love to see in the position. They go out of their way to please everyone, is a great team player, seems to be the workaholic who manages to be on top of every job. Of these choices, here's what will happen. The butthead leaves, but before they leave, they recommend the brown-noser who's been there acting in the position when butthead was gone on vacation or travel or whatever reason they weren't there. The one everyone is praying will get the position, ain't going to get the job. They're too nice to follow a butthead. So the brown-nosing butthead gets the job, and everyone now not only hates the brown-noser, but now hates their own job. At some point, management gets a clue and strongly suggests the brown-nosing butthead either find another job or management finds another job for them. And who follows the brown-nosing butthead? Hopefully, the great team player, the workaholic... but chances are 60-40 management will now choose someone outside the company suggesting the department needs new blood. And so much for that raffle... next raffle.
The butthead leaves, the new job is located in the same town, and we all wonder how many jobs can they create in their new position down the road, which all the brown-nosers who worked under them will now follow. If we're really lucky, enough positions to take all of them. But if they can at least create one, they will create a new position for the brown-nosing butthead and we can all sleep a whole lot better. Give me an Amen Brother!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
General Memo #5 - Early Retirement... What's Not To Understand
I was in a meeting the other day, not quite sure what the meeting was about and didn't really understand why my presence made any difference, other than to see how many people could show up and waste the hours away... didn't do squat for me. With all the babble that was said, only one thing stuck with me that made any sense. The topic on retirement, which really wasn't a topic for discussion but mentioned for its purpose I suppose.
Does anyone really understand what "Early Retirement" means? Obviously, my understanding was different than that of the person babbling... My understanding is specific rules must be met in order to qualify for "Early Retirement." One rule, must meet minimum time served. Simple enough. Next, must meet a certain age... again, simple. And that's about it in a nutshell. The key words are "Early Retirement"... not "Retirement." I'm saying those who qualify for "Retirement" don't qualify for "Early Retirement"... why would you think if you qualify for "Retirement" you ALSO qualify for "Early Retirement"... you qualify for one or the other, not both.
If a company needs to make cutbacks, they look at where cutbacks can be made... and for the most part, being honest with one-self, salary would be the largest area to make a cutback and save money. So, look first at who is ELIGIBLE to retire. ELIGIBLE means got the time served and meet the age requirement. That's it... you qualify to retire. Yet, some of these "eligible" employees look at the meaning differently, especially now that they fit the requirements for "retirement." "I'm not ready to retire, therefore if you want me to retire, I should fall into the category of 'Early Retirement'..." You know, the funny thing here is... I actually understand what they're thinking. But that's not what the rule implies. And the REAL funny thing here is... THEY KNOW IT!!! But damn those who think retiree-qualified folks SHOULD retire... ain't going to force them out... not without a "severance" package because it would be "Early Retirement"... "I'm not ready..."
So, here I sit, falling into the "true" meaning of "Early Retirment" and I need to make a decision. Do I want to take the offer? I would get my healthcare plan, a monthly check albeit less than the check I would get if I stayed for full retirement, and a severance check not to exceed a specific amount based on time served and age. The purpose of a severance check is to help with the offset of income of the retirement check due to its reduced amount. Make sense to me. Now... with that said, someone explain to me where the severance pay is offsetting anything for someone who is eligible to retire? The actual explanation is flat out greed. Nothing more, nothing less. Greed. And all those greedy pathetic people will stay around until the company GIVES them the severance pay. And when it's all over, no more talk about severance pay, and everything is back to normal, will these greedy ones then realize maybe they should retire? Hell no... they will stay around until the issue comes up again and bitch that they better give it to me this time. For God's Sake, retire will you?!?!?! Obviously, if people retired when they reach eligibility, the company wouldn't have these issues to deal with... and, as a retiree, you might actually get to enjoy what life REALLY has to offer. But no... you will stay around and force the company into another one of those issues with severance pay and offer "Early Retirement" for folks who really qualify under the rule. Don't get me wrong here... I actually appreciate your greedy pathetic attitude, because next year... I QUALIFY FOR EARLY RETIREMENT!!! SEE YA!!!
Does anyone really understand what "Early Retirement" means? Obviously, my understanding was different than that of the person babbling... My understanding is specific rules must be met in order to qualify for "Early Retirement." One rule, must meet minimum time served. Simple enough. Next, must meet a certain age... again, simple. And that's about it in a nutshell. The key words are "Early Retirement"... not "Retirement." I'm saying those who qualify for "Retirement" don't qualify for "Early Retirement"... why would you think if you qualify for "Retirement" you ALSO qualify for "Early Retirement"... you qualify for one or the other, not both.
If a company needs to make cutbacks, they look at where cutbacks can be made... and for the most part, being honest with one-self, salary would be the largest area to make a cutback and save money. So, look first at who is ELIGIBLE to retire. ELIGIBLE means got the time served and meet the age requirement. That's it... you qualify to retire. Yet, some of these "eligible" employees look at the meaning differently, especially now that they fit the requirements for "retirement." "I'm not ready to retire, therefore if you want me to retire, I should fall into the category of 'Early Retirement'..." You know, the funny thing here is... I actually understand what they're thinking. But that's not what the rule implies. And the REAL funny thing here is... THEY KNOW IT!!! But damn those who think retiree-qualified folks SHOULD retire... ain't going to force them out... not without a "severance" package because it would be "Early Retirement"... "I'm not ready..."
So, here I sit, falling into the "true" meaning of "Early Retirment" and I need to make a decision. Do I want to take the offer? I would get my healthcare plan, a monthly check albeit less than the check I would get if I stayed for full retirement, and a severance check not to exceed a specific amount based on time served and age. The purpose of a severance check is to help with the offset of income of the retirement check due to its reduced amount. Make sense to me. Now... with that said, someone explain to me where the severance pay is offsetting anything for someone who is eligible to retire? The actual explanation is flat out greed. Nothing more, nothing less. Greed. And all those greedy pathetic people will stay around until the company GIVES them the severance pay. And when it's all over, no more talk about severance pay, and everything is back to normal, will these greedy ones then realize maybe they should retire? Hell no... they will stay around until the issue comes up again and bitch that they better give it to me this time. For God's Sake, retire will you?!?!?! Obviously, if people retired when they reach eligibility, the company wouldn't have these issues to deal with... and, as a retiree, you might actually get to enjoy what life REALLY has to offer. But no... you will stay around and force the company into another one of those issues with severance pay and offer "Early Retirement" for folks who really qualify under the rule. Don't get me wrong here... I actually appreciate your greedy pathetic attitude, because next year... I QUALIFY FOR EARLY RETIREMENT!!! SEE YA!!!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
General Memo #4 - Who's a Team Player?
Who's a Team Player? Nobody is a Team Player! Prove me wrong, go ahead... I dare you. We all talk a good line of bullshit but reality says otherwise. Admit it! If you disagree, then you have no problem lieing to yourself.
Here's a "for instance"... Take a department where you all do the same crap, enter information into some form of database. The Department Head speaks at the weekly meeting to "help your fellow team members" should you finish your projects early. We all know some data is easier to enter than other data, some stuff is just not as complex as other stuff. We get it. So, should you happen to finish before your teammate, go ahead and take the initiative and help a teammate out. And when a supervisor comes by and ask what projects you're working on, just tell them, "I've finished the tasks given me for the day and now I'm helping a teammate out." And when they say, "Who told you to help Little Johnny here," you can follow that up with "I took the initiative on my own to help my fellow teammate." And when the supervisor says, "You need to stop what you're doing and check with your supervisor to see if they have anymore stuff for you. Do not help someone out on your own without checking with your supervisor." You now give yourself a big WTF... because what the Department Head said last week now is being contradicted by (of all people...) a supervisor. Maybe they missed the meeting.
So, as the little worker-bee that you are, you ponder over to your supervisor and tell them the story of Team Spirit, wondering if they missed the boat as well. And, yepper, sounds like they didn't get on the same boat you did. You get the line, "Don't help Little Johnny, see if Little Suzy needs some help." But you KNOW Little Johnny is further behind than Little Suzy, so why you ask, do you need to help Little Suzy when you KNOW Little Johnny ain't going to finish his stuff before the end of the day. Now things are sounding a bit more fishy than they are with the good ole boy speech of "Help Your Fellow Teammate" ain't it... Damn straight. You might be a worker-bee but be damned if you think you're stupid. And you let that play out for the day and see that Little Johnny is getting wrote up for not being able to do his work in a timely fashion. Did you hear it? That was Team Spirit!
Here's another... one of my favorites. We got a scenario where the job is a one-person job. Be nice to provide them coverage for a break now and then or maybe a 30-minute lunch break. The person is in your department so should be able to cover these issues with all the manpower available, right? Who's going to complain? Trust me... almost everyone. "Well, I have to take my breaks and my lunch, who's going to do my work while I'm on break or at lunch..." or... "It's only 30 minutes and how much time is used for a break... just go." Do you wonder why they call it a "watch?" And my favorite... "That job is below my paygrade, you got to be kidding..." Yet (here's another good one...) there's a task within a department, obviously belonging to that department for responsibility, but because the "job is below my paygrade" we'll task it to others... and to really be a kicker let's get others outside the department to do it. Now there's a really big WTF!!!
Ok, you say you're a team player... those folks that do not know how to keep a fridge clean, you as a team player, take the time to clean it? (Don't say it, I know what you're going to say... and it doesn't sound like a team player to me...) We all live in the same house do we not? How about the lazy dip that washes their hands in the restroom, uses a paper towel, and even though they're standing next to the trash bag, fails to toss the paper towel into the recepticle because their aim sucks. But do they bother to bend over and pick it up? Some might... but that one you see on the floor when you come into the restroom, no one bothered. So, as a Team Player, you're a nice guy... you pick it up... IN MY FRIGGIN DREAMS YOU LIEING PIECE OF SHIT... and, if you did, my apologies... but you came in the restroom and there were three other people in there before you and they all left before you... and the paper towel is still on the floor... and you say to yourself, "self... those last three lazy shits didn't pick it up... why should I ?" And you call yourself a Team Player... right... guess again Vern.
So much for Team Players, eh?
Here's a "for instance"... Take a department where you all do the same crap, enter information into some form of database. The Department Head speaks at the weekly meeting to "help your fellow team members" should you finish your projects early. We all know some data is easier to enter than other data, some stuff is just not as complex as other stuff. We get it. So, should you happen to finish before your teammate, go ahead and take the initiative and help a teammate out. And when a supervisor comes by and ask what projects you're working on, just tell them, "I've finished the tasks given me for the day and now I'm helping a teammate out." And when they say, "Who told you to help Little Johnny here," you can follow that up with "I took the initiative on my own to help my fellow teammate." And when the supervisor says, "You need to stop what you're doing and check with your supervisor to see if they have anymore stuff for you. Do not help someone out on your own without checking with your supervisor." You now give yourself a big WTF... because what the Department Head said last week now is being contradicted by (of all people...) a supervisor. Maybe they missed the meeting.
So, as the little worker-bee that you are, you ponder over to your supervisor and tell them the story of Team Spirit, wondering if they missed the boat as well. And, yepper, sounds like they didn't get on the same boat you did. You get the line, "Don't help Little Johnny, see if Little Suzy needs some help." But you KNOW Little Johnny is further behind than Little Suzy, so why you ask, do you need to help Little Suzy when you KNOW Little Johnny ain't going to finish his stuff before the end of the day. Now things are sounding a bit more fishy than they are with the good ole boy speech of "Help Your Fellow Teammate" ain't it... Damn straight. You might be a worker-bee but be damned if you think you're stupid. And you let that play out for the day and see that Little Johnny is getting wrote up for not being able to do his work in a timely fashion. Did you hear it? That was Team Spirit!
Here's another... one of my favorites. We got a scenario where the job is a one-person job. Be nice to provide them coverage for a break now and then or maybe a 30-minute lunch break. The person is in your department so should be able to cover these issues with all the manpower available, right? Who's going to complain? Trust me... almost everyone. "Well, I have to take my breaks and my lunch, who's going to do my work while I'm on break or at lunch..." or... "It's only 30 minutes and how much time is used for a break... just go." Do you wonder why they call it a "watch?" And my favorite... "That job is below my paygrade, you got to be kidding..." Yet (here's another good one...) there's a task within a department, obviously belonging to that department for responsibility, but because the "job is below my paygrade" we'll task it to others... and to really be a kicker let's get others outside the department to do it. Now there's a really big WTF!!!
Ok, you say you're a team player... those folks that do not know how to keep a fridge clean, you as a team player, take the time to clean it? (Don't say it, I know what you're going to say... and it doesn't sound like a team player to me...) We all live in the same house do we not? How about the lazy dip that washes their hands in the restroom, uses a paper towel, and even though they're standing next to the trash bag, fails to toss the paper towel into the recepticle because their aim sucks. But do they bother to bend over and pick it up? Some might... but that one you see on the floor when you come into the restroom, no one bothered. So, as a Team Player, you're a nice guy... you pick it up... IN MY FRIGGIN DREAMS YOU LIEING PIECE OF SHIT... and, if you did, my apologies... but you came in the restroom and there were three other people in there before you and they all left before you... and the paper towel is still on the floor... and you say to yourself, "self... those last three lazy shits didn't pick it up... why should I ?" And you call yourself a Team Player... right... guess again Vern.
So much for Team Players, eh?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
General Memo #3 - The Eavesdropper
We are all guilty of eavesdropping for sure. How the person handles what they hear is the difference between each of us. So... here's a scenario. What you think?
"Man, I got a blond joke for you," Sweet Jane, the department Be-Otch, overhears the conversation right from the git-go. Does she walk away, oh hell no. She's going to keep her dead ass right there and listen... because the person telling the joke is a person she's not too fond of and sees an opportunity to hang 'em good. So Sweet Jane lets the joke play out in its entirety. Of course... why not... might be funny.
Well, some ass-wipe back in the 80s came up with this bullshit about Civil Rights / Equal Employment Opportunity / etc. And put some stipulation somewhere in the friggin fine print that you can't say anything in the workplace that may offend others, even if you're not telling them the stupid friggin joke. If they're hanging out at the drinking fountain and your workspace is within earshot and you tell a joke, or say something about someone else... basically if your friggin lips vibrate together to make words that sound like they may offend "Sweet Jane" you're at fault. How asinine is that!
So the be-otch, Sweet Jane, can't take a joke... she listens and probably wants to laugh out loud and make those little friggin piggy snorts, but manages to hold it all in so she can sneak off and rat the person out. She goes off to one of those employee protection clowns (EPC) and cries she's so offended she'll have to go home for the rest of the day. In the meantime, the EPC drafts up a report, breaks out a rope and ties a loosely fitting noose. They turn around and send the report to the boss who reads it knowing their hands are tied and, by law, must take the next step. Confront the poor ass joke teller and most likely give them a letter of reprimand, or a suspension, or a pink slip... something... because be-otch "Sweet Jane" got her feelings in a pantie knot. The big question here... Is this fair? Sure as shit ain't... but here's my solution to properly fix the situation.
First, I would suggest ole Sweet Jane walk her dead ass out of earshot and go away, preferably out to a high balcony and take a friggin dive to the pavement. But if jumping seems a bit overboard, just go away.
Second idea... might just ask the jokers if they could not tell the joke where everyone can hear because you find their humor a bit tasteless (we really know who has no taste...). Correct step - Offended whiner confronts tasteless jerks. Should jerks tell Sweet Jane to take a hike, then she might have a leg to stand on and take it to the next step. However, I believe just this simple step would stop a majority of the crap Sweet Jane doesn't want to hear (so we believe).
That's it... only two options. If it offends you and you don't want to look like the bad guy and tell the offensive jerks they're... well... offensive buttheads, then walk away and shut up. If it offends you and you don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks of you, then confront them and, if they continue, then go tell someone that gives a shit and hang their happy ass.
My personal opinion, you're a friggin wuss either way. If you can't do either of the above, go blab your story to the supervisor. Let them confront the jerks. Don't go running off crying to the hangman... that just tells everyone... you're a be-otch!
Now go back to work and do something constructive.
P.S. - The joke...
There's an attractive blond sitting at a bar. A handsome gentleman comes in, sees the attractive blond and takes up the empty stool next to her. The news happens to be on the television and he notices she is watching with serious intent. The gentleman gives the news a two-minute listen. Seems there's a man on top of a high rise building about to commit suicide by jumping to his death. He says to the attractive blond, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The attractive blond answers, "You're on..." As the news plays out, the man on top of the high rise building eventually jumps to his death. And the attractive blond pulls a $20 bill from her purse and sets it on the bar in front of the handsome gentleman. Being a gentleman, he admits to the attractive blond, "I cannot take your money because I saw the news report this morning, I'm sorry." The attractive blond responds, "I know, I saw the report this morning as well, but I thought he would have learned his lesson the first time." The handsome gentleman took the money and left the bar. :-)
"Man, I got a blond joke for you," Sweet Jane, the department Be-Otch, overhears the conversation right from the git-go. Does she walk away, oh hell no. She's going to keep her dead ass right there and listen... because the person telling the joke is a person she's not too fond of and sees an opportunity to hang 'em good. So Sweet Jane lets the joke play out in its entirety. Of course... why not... might be funny.
Well, some ass-wipe back in the 80s came up with this bullshit about Civil Rights / Equal Employment Opportunity / etc. And put some stipulation somewhere in the friggin fine print that you can't say anything in the workplace that may offend others, even if you're not telling them the stupid friggin joke. If they're hanging out at the drinking fountain and your workspace is within earshot and you tell a joke, or say something about someone else... basically if your friggin lips vibrate together to make words that sound like they may offend "Sweet Jane" you're at fault. How asinine is that!
So the be-otch, Sweet Jane, can't take a joke... she listens and probably wants to laugh out loud and make those little friggin piggy snorts, but manages to hold it all in so she can sneak off and rat the person out. She goes off to one of those employee protection clowns (EPC) and cries she's so offended she'll have to go home for the rest of the day. In the meantime, the EPC drafts up a report, breaks out a rope and ties a loosely fitting noose. They turn around and send the report to the boss who reads it knowing their hands are tied and, by law, must take the next step. Confront the poor ass joke teller and most likely give them a letter of reprimand, or a suspension, or a pink slip... something... because be-otch "Sweet Jane" got her feelings in a pantie knot. The big question here... Is this fair? Sure as shit ain't... but here's my solution to properly fix the situation.
First, I would suggest ole Sweet Jane walk her dead ass out of earshot and go away, preferably out to a high balcony and take a friggin dive to the pavement. But if jumping seems a bit overboard, just go away.
Second idea... might just ask the jokers if they could not tell the joke where everyone can hear because you find their humor a bit tasteless (we really know who has no taste...). Correct step - Offended whiner confronts tasteless jerks. Should jerks tell Sweet Jane to take a hike, then she might have a leg to stand on and take it to the next step. However, I believe just this simple step would stop a majority of the crap Sweet Jane doesn't want to hear (so we believe).
That's it... only two options. If it offends you and you don't want to look like the bad guy and tell the offensive jerks they're... well... offensive buttheads, then walk away and shut up. If it offends you and you don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks of you, then confront them and, if they continue, then go tell someone that gives a shit and hang their happy ass.
My personal opinion, you're a friggin wuss either way. If you can't do either of the above, go blab your story to the supervisor. Let them confront the jerks. Don't go running off crying to the hangman... that just tells everyone... you're a be-otch!
Now go back to work and do something constructive.
P.S. - The joke...
There's an attractive blond sitting at a bar. A handsome gentleman comes in, sees the attractive blond and takes up the empty stool next to her. The news happens to be on the television and he notices she is watching with serious intent. The gentleman gives the news a two-minute listen. Seems there's a man on top of a high rise building about to commit suicide by jumping to his death. He says to the attractive blond, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The attractive blond answers, "You're on..." As the news plays out, the man on top of the high rise building eventually jumps to his death. And the attractive blond pulls a $20 bill from her purse and sets it on the bar in front of the handsome gentleman. Being a gentleman, he admits to the attractive blond, "I cannot take your money because I saw the news report this morning, I'm sorry." The attractive blond responds, "I know, I saw the report this morning as well, but I thought he would have learned his lesson the first time." The handsome gentleman took the money and left the bar. :-)
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